


What I Wanted, What I Got

by GalaxyGazing



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, Jealousy, M/M, Pining, Sexual Confusion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-27
Updated: 2015-05-27
Packaged: 2018-04-01 10:57:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4017157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GalaxyGazing/pseuds/GalaxyGazing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan will relentlessly swear up and down that he is straight. So, when he finds out his best friend Arin has slept with Mark, he can’t comprehend why he’s sitting on the cold bathroom tiles, bawling his eyes out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What I Wanted, What I Got

 

 

Dan takes a moment to register the words, none of which are “yes” or any other synonym of confirmation, but they still tell him everything.

The realization sinks in slowly, sinks right through his brain and drops cold into his stomach. Dan catches himself right at the limit of waiting too long to reply and making things weird. Instead, he swallows hard and switches the subject, “How’s, uh, how’s Brutal Mario World going?”  
  
But Dan doesn’t care about Mario, he barely even hears himself ask about it. The rest of the lunch is ruined and Dan expends an incredible amount of energy to feign that it’s not.

He found out from Mark, God bless him. In retrospect, it's Dan’s fault for pulling it out of him. A good portion of time is spent afterwards wondering if it would have been better to never know, but it’s too late now.

Arin and Mark have slept together.

Recently, the two had been recording a few episodes of Grumpcade. Dan hadn’t spent much time with Mark himself and they both decided a lunchtime out of the house would be nice for them to catch up.

Honestly, Mark and Dan got along great. He was easy for Dan to talk to. Somewhere between getting their drinks and waiting for their sandwiches to arrive, Dan had asked what Mark thought of working with Arin on the show.

Mark was polite and Dan had felt comfortable enough with the tone of the conversation to ask if Arin had started making passes at him yet because, hell, it was inevitable. When Arin Hanson was relaxed and amongst friends, it was a given that he would eventually steer the conversation in a direction that was blatantly homosexual.

And, hey, Dan got it. That’s how they functioned—bouncing jokes off one another to see what would work, who would flinch, who would laugh; pushing boundaries until they learned how their particular dynamic worked. One could say that was Dan’s day job, letting Arin flirt with him.

Mark just laughed. Dan elaborated, “Arin’s cool about it, though. Just let him know after the show if he’s making you uncomfortable. He has a very vague idea of what the limit is with that kind of stuff and if you let him run too far with it, he’ll probably actually sleep with you.”

It’s a joke, and Dan is smiling as he says it. He expects big laughs, expects it to help him bond with Mark if they can both say ‘Oh, that Arin. Always hitting on straight guys like us,' but it doesn’t happen.

And it’s worse than Mark pitying him with fake laughter. He freezes for a split second, wide-eyed, before reaching for his water and forcing himself to drink it rather than respond. It shocks Dan and he tries to see if he can figure it out, “I mean, unless he's already tried to.”

It’s another joke, but not really. Mark puts down the glass at the direct question. He exhales a short, unnatural breath, “Um, no. No, he hasn’t.”

Dan gets his answer. And it fucking stings.

To avoid adding more flames to the plane crash of a conversation, Dan abruptly changes the subject and they talk about meaningless nothings for another half hour.

 

-

 

Dan drives home and he’s fine. He gets inside and he’s fine. He puts his keys in the dish and throws his coat over the chair and makes it into the bathroom before he realizes that he is so very not fine.

The tiles are cold and hard beneath him. He sits up against the wall, willing himself to breathe correctly.

There is absolutely no reason for him to be reacting like this.

It was far from a secret that Arin and Suzy had an open relationship, and it never bothered Dan in the slightest to see Arin kiss his wife. But she was a woman, and women were a whole different entity, one with which he was never competing.

Dan draws in a shuddering breath, folds his arms over his knees, and heaves a sob.

And _was_ he competing? Of course not. Arin would flirt with Dan until the cows came home but Dan would always be standing there at the farm gate to remind him, “Dude, I’m sorry, I like women.” Dan had always been in control, and it had always been his deliberate choice that things never went further than playful banter.

Dan heaves again and sound comes out this time. His mouth is a square, black hole and he’s shaking.

But Mark was different. Mark was a man. Mark was to Arin what Dan could have been.

It’s so childish, not wanting something until someone else wants it (and gets it, and deserves it). Dan can’t stop the flood of mental imagery—Arin running his hands down Mark’s sides.

Arin talks a big game but Dan knows he’d be courteous. “You okay?” he whispers, all air, no voice. Mark nods, chest rising and falling as he breathes. Arin smiles and kisses a line down his neck, his sternum, pressing them into his stomach and over Mark’s boxer shorts. “Just let me know,” Arin says and Dan can’t take it anymore.

He falls forward onto the bathroom tiles, forearms pressed into the frigid porcelain. Sitting upright and curled over wasn’t enough; he needed air, needed to feed the hyperventilating with more lung capacity before he got lightheaded.

He makes a pathetic sound which the hollow bathroom holds longer than he would have liked.

Miserably, he recalls a brief conversation he had since blocked out. “If you ever wanted to,” Arin had mumbled to him shyly. Dan vividly recalls turning him down, making it crystal clear that he was exclusively heterosexual.

Arin had respected Dan’s wishes and, because of that, Mark now knew what Arin’s mouth tasted like and Dan was whimpering in front of a toilet seat.

“Fu—hhk.”

Dan manages, hiccupping halfway through. He sits upright, wipes his nose, and tries to compose himself enough for Barry who would be home in an hour.

 

 


End file.
